Just a short post about the funeral. It was one hell of a day for myself and Emma but I am told it went really well. Can't remember much about the service myself as I was completely overwhelmed and probably still in shock, but I am told that the service captured the essence of Dave(or "daveness" as we call it now!) and was very moving. It is difficult to know definite numbers but we believe more than 200 people were at the service.
The Chapel looked beautiful with displays of photos of Dave along with some of his paintings and sketches and beautiful flowers. The Reception seemed to go marvellously well. The food was all supplied by friends and relatives, although it was so good that numerous people thought we had professional caterers in! A good few glasses of champagne, wine and beer were drunk. In short, it was the kind of proper party that Dave would have liked and in true Dave style people mixed and mingled marvellously well!
More than a few thank yous are required........in no particular order!
To Jayne D for the Orders of Service. Beautifully prepared and printed at zero cost courtesy of a friendly printing firm in Leeds.
To Shari for making the DVD, taking the photos and organising the music. To Greg with assisting with the photos as well (can't wait to see them!).
To Julia for managing the catering (and organising all the display materials you clever girl) and to Hilary, Clare P, Jan, Trish and Rob, Claire M and a whole host of others for assisting in the organisation of the catering.
To Len and Lauren for organising the bar and to Sandy and others for helping. (Sorry I was so busy circulating I am sure I didn't see you all in action!). Sorry you didn't get a drink Len - I owe you one!
To PEP for the wine and the champagne and to Claire M for the beer and soft drinks and to everyone who contributed food or drinks. You are too numerous to mention!
To Amanda and Sue for the beautiful flowers which are now brightening up the Reception at the hospice. They were stunning.
To Irene for an absolutely wonderful service.
To Janet and the team at the Cemetery for all the help and support provided.
To Sue and Rymers for so much help and support in organising the funeral and sending me Irene. I feel very lucky to have found you.
And to all who contributed to the service: Howard and Tina, Sue, Amanda and Vicki, Stu, Paul, Steve (and Eilis!) and Leslie. You were all great.
I am sure I have missed people out as so many people participated in making Friday I great day. If I haven't mentioned you specifically please forgive me. Please also forgive me if I didn't get to speak to you personally - there were just too many people to get around!
And now to me. "How are you feeling?" is what people seem to want to know. Well, it is fair to say that after all the madness of the last couple of weeks spent organising the funeral I do feel quite low It is also fair to say that I am extremely tired. I was exhausted at the point where Dave died and the rollercoaster of the last two weeks has left me even more exhausted.
The predominant emotion I feel is just very very sad that Dave is no longer with us. The challenge of Emma and I adjusting to our new "normality" looms quite large at the moment, but if we can get through the last 3 years, I am sure Emma and I will rise to the challenge. After all, there is no way Dave would want us to sit around moping for too long! Emma is going back to school tomorrow morning and I will begin the next major task which is sorting out all of Dave's affairs, which is something I have not even started. I am also hoping for a bit of time to reflect on everything that has happened and to have some quiet "me" time for the first time in a very very long time.
And before I go, I must just mention that Stuart is going to do the Great Yorkshire Run at the beginning of September in honour of Dave. There is a link to his fundraising page on his Facebook page. If we can raise £500 he will run in those shorts from 1986 (from the photo display at the funeral.......:-)) and if we can get to £1k he will run dressed in the shorts and disguised as the 118 118 bloke from the adverts (not much of a makeover required there if he can regrow the moustache!). Don't forget Ben is also running the Hastings half marathon (his second this year) in March for Macmillan. His fundraising page is at www.justgiving.com/benelsey. Thanks to both of you for your support. Let's keep the "daveness" going.......!
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Our little superstar!
Sitting down so you can't see the morphine pump!
Me and my girls
Our picture in the paper!
David French's cancer story and update (with pictures!)
Emma
Our little superstar!
MacMillan Cancer Support
I have decided to use this blog as means of playing a mind diverting game of raising a few quid for the wonderful people at MacMillan, who provide invaluable support for people at all stages of cancer. If you have found the blog interesting, useful or moving, please click on the "donate" button below, and you can be a part of this game. The current target is £10,000, but if just 5 people gave £1, and then enrolled five others to do the same, after just 6 rounds, we'd raise well over £100,000! Please consider donating, and if you can't do that, please share this address with at least five other people. Many thanks!
David
David
Email Address
In case some people do not want to leave a comment that could be viewed by others, or you want to drop me a line to ask a question or just to say hello, here is my email address: david.french@pepconsultancy.com
If you want to contact Sarah her email address is sarah@lefrenchies.wanadoo.co.uk
If you want to contact Sarah her email address is sarah@lefrenchies.wanadoo.co.uk
Background Information
I'm a forty seven year old husband and father of one daughter, living in York, and it's about a year this November since I was told I had between one and three years to live.
Having been diagnosed in 2006 with bowel cancer, operated upon and being told thereafter that the cancer had all been removed, I thought I had made it through a relatively tough period in my life.
Then in 2007, when I was on holiday in Portugal with my wife and daughter, I began to experience some pains in the pelvis, and brought forward my planned October review to September. After a few tests, it turned out that the cancer had already been on the move before it was removed, and was now in my lungs (two small tumours in the right lung), on the prostate (as opposed to inside the prostate which is what happens with prostate cancer), and also in my lymph system (which is the means by which it had travelled elsewhere).
So, I have decided to publish this blog with a view to updating all those who are interested on the latest developments, and, perhaps, to provide some information that might help other people who have bowel cancer in whatever stages.
I hope that it's useful, and maybe (as some people have told me that I have been "inspiring" in my approach) give people some increased sense of hope.
Feel free to comment on anything you see here, and use it to get in touch with me if you want to do so.
Having been diagnosed in 2006 with bowel cancer, operated upon and being told thereafter that the cancer had all been removed, I thought I had made it through a relatively tough period in my life.
Then in 2007, when I was on holiday in Portugal with my wife and daughter, I began to experience some pains in the pelvis, and brought forward my planned October review to September. After a few tests, it turned out that the cancer had already been on the move before it was removed, and was now in my lungs (two small tumours in the right lung), on the prostate (as opposed to inside the prostate which is what happens with prostate cancer), and also in my lymph system (which is the means by which it had travelled elsewhere).
So, I have decided to publish this blog with a view to updating all those who are interested on the latest developments, and, perhaps, to provide some information that might help other people who have bowel cancer in whatever stages.
I hope that it's useful, and maybe (as some people have told me that I have been "inspiring" in my approach) give people some increased sense of hope.
Feel free to comment on anything you see here, and use it to get in touch with me if you want to do so.
Brief History
- October 2008: Get given a wheelchair - just in case!
- September 2008: Buy a walking stick! This is to prevent me falling over when I give myself a boost of the drugs into my spine, as the local anaesthetic makes my legs go numb.
- August 2008: have a catheter inserted into my spinal fluid which is fixed to a pump containg morphine and a local anaesthetic
- May 2008: by now, taking a few hundred milligrams of morphine per day to manage the pain
- April 2008: Chemo stops early due to side effects. No further treatment recommended at this stage, and referred to the Palliative Care Team for pain and symptom management
- March 2008: stop the Oxiloplatin part of chemo due to loss of feeling in the fingers
- December 2007: Chemotherapy recommences with forthightly treatments into a Hickman line (tube into the chest that runs up to the veins in my neck to put chemicals directly to the heart
- December 2007: doctors tell me it's incurable, but that with treatment I have probably two to three years of life left in me
- November 2007: PET scan and lymph node biopsy confirm cancer in the lymph nodes in the pelvis
- October 2007: CT and MRI show tumours on the lung, and possible tumour on prostate
- September 2007: Bring forwaard October's review, and the hospital sets up new CT and MRI scans to check out the pains
- August 2007: Pains in the pelvis begin to make sitting uncomfortable, but a couple of nurofen seem to do the trick
- April 2007: First review meeting declares all is well
- January 2007: start to work again after miraculous speed of recovery!
- November 2006: Operation to remove rectum and Sigmoid colon (the bend just before the rectum
- October 2006: Consultants confirm tumour is operable, and that permanent colostomy is probable
- September 2006: Chemo-Radiotherapy starts
- August 2006: first visit to Cookridge to meet the Chemo-radiotherapy team
- July 2006: Results confirm tumour in the rectum
- June 2006: Colonoscopy and MRI scan
- June 2006: Visit to the Colo - Rectal Clinic
- May 2006: first examination by the GP
About Attitude
Because part of the purpose of this site is to serve as a useful source for other people with cancer, and because I believe attitude is vital when facing cancer and the possibility of death because of it, I am including a precis of an earlier post about the attitude I have adopted to having cancer. The earlier post in full can be accessed by going to the bottom of this page and clicking "Older Posts".
1. Be responsible: if you are not responsible for the fact you have cancer, you are a victim of it and looking to blame your having it on something or someone else. Responsible does not mean you blame your self, just that you have the power to respond to the fact you have cancer.
2. Behaviour in the present is being given by the future you can see for yourself. If you can see surviving as a future, your behaviour will be consistent with that future.
3. You always have a choice. You can choose every second of every day the response you have to your cancer. You can choose to live powerfully with it, or not.
4. Choice can only truly occur if you have considered all the possible outcomes. A person who is scared of dying is not choosing to live, but trying not to die. This would be fine if it were not for the fact that to be this way is to continually bring the thought of dying along with you. Choosing to live once you are not afraid of death does not bring the thought of death along with it.
5. Every emotional response is valid: trying not to feel sad, or trying not to cry, or forcing oneself to try to be positive all the time is to deny your humanity. Allow yourself to feel exactly how you feel, and the feeling can then pass freely on its way without being supressed and adding more emotional pressure onto an already emotionally charged situation.
1. Be responsible: if you are not responsible for the fact you have cancer, you are a victim of it and looking to blame your having it on something or someone else. Responsible does not mean you blame your self, just that you have the power to respond to the fact you have cancer.
2. Behaviour in the present is being given by the future you can see for yourself. If you can see surviving as a future, your behaviour will be consistent with that future.
3. You always have a choice. You can choose every second of every day the response you have to your cancer. You can choose to live powerfully with it, or not.
4. Choice can only truly occur if you have considered all the possible outcomes. A person who is scared of dying is not choosing to live, but trying not to die. This would be fine if it were not for the fact that to be this way is to continually bring the thought of dying along with you. Choosing to live once you are not afraid of death does not bring the thought of death along with it.
5. Every emotional response is valid: trying not to feel sad, or trying not to cry, or forcing oneself to try to be positive all the time is to deny your humanity. Allow yourself to feel exactly how you feel, and the feeling can then pass freely on its way without being supressed and adding more emotional pressure onto an already emotionally charged situation.
Summer 08
Sitting down so you can't see the morphine pump!
The Family
Me and my girls
From the Yorkshire Evening Press
Our picture in the paper!
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