Joining the 'Hood

In recent weeks, one of the words on my mind has (for obvious reasons) been "widow". Prior to joining the 'Hood (Widowhood that is) I had not really thought about it but as I have had to start filling in forms and put myself in the "widow" category rather than "married" I have started to find the word more and more unattractive. The immediate image that comes to mind is of a rather old and crumpled woman wearing full length black Victorian mourning attire and despite the Scottish Widows advertising campaign showing a very attractive younger woman in the aforementioned attire, little has been done in the way of "rebranding" in recent years.

Having ventured in to a relatively large group of widows and widowers a few weeks ago at a gathering run by the WAY Foundation (Widowed and Young)in Leeds I can tell you the familiar images of a widow are very outdated! The WAY Foundation supports widows and widowers under 50 and they really don't look any different to any other human beings. I walked in to the restaurant where we were meeting with another widow from York and we were looking for a group of people with obvious "signs" of widowhood but no there was nothing obvious! Just a group of people getting together and sharing their experiences and trying to support each other through a truly horrendous experience whilst knocking back a few bevvies. And it has to be said that because this (widowhood)is such a truly horrendous experience there is very much something in the unsaid between a group of people who have all been unlucky enough to have the love of their life die unexpectedly at the prime of their life. I think this is because the emotions you go through are so hard to explain to anyone who has not experienced such a monumental event. But these people just KNOW.

So back to the word "widow". I notice myself wishing to avoid being labelled as a widow at all costs and I prefer to refer to myself as "a person whose partner has died". I have tried to analyse what it is about this word apart from its inherent unsexiness that I don't like, but I think it is because I don't want to be defined in life just by this word. The problem is that at this moment it is the thing that is most on my own mind and the thing that most people think about as soon as they see me! But when I was married to Dave people didn't just think of me as a married person and they didn't call me a "married" - my relationship with Dave was just one of the many facets of my life (although obviously a very important one!). So I guess that I hope in time, being a widow will become less predominant and that I can go back to just being Sarah again.