Transmission has been Restored

An unfortunate hiccup has left me unable to post even after my self imposed break! The internet connection failed at home, and took a little more genius than I possess to put it right. Now it is I can get back to blogging - for a while at least.

For the last few nights I have been enjoying the comfort of a hospital bed in my dining room, and the various adjustments I can make to it have let me have nights of relative comfort, if not entirely pain free. There's still the shortness of breath, which gets worse as the night progresses, but if I am a predominantly sitting position, even this is diminished to the point of mild irritation as opposed to serious disturbance or worry.

However, with the disruption this causes to both Sarah and Emma, the general upset caused by having me around in a very poorly state, added to the fact I am getting progressively worse in my need for oxygen and for pain relief, has lead to the decision for me to move into the hospice. This morning, Sarah, Emma and I sat down with Caroline, our MacMillan nurse, and we told her that, in our opinion, the time had come for me to move in. Having visited the place, I know I can expect peace and quiet, combined with a high level of personal care and attention whilst at the same time, Sarah and Emma will be allowed to live lives at home in relative normality - obviously missing me, and having to get used to life without me around. But, let's face it, that's going to have to be the way of their lives for the long term future; not the one we had all wanted, but the one nonetheless we all have to face.

So at this point, I do not know what further entries I shall make; being a philosopher and self appointed guru to the lay people of York, I'd love to prattle on about the various possibilities that exist for my future (from nothingness to everythingness, and a few stops in between), but in truth, to paraphrase Wittgenstein, whereof one cannot speak, thereof one should be silent.

But thanks to all of you who have taken us way over the £3k, to all of those of you who have sent your loving messages, and to all of you who have and will continue to be loving resource.

I may write again: I don't know for sure.